Seeking Equilibrium
by Merlose
Summary: A post-series following of the relationship between Meryl and Vash. A rather large complication comes home with Vash and creates rifts between the characters (Milly included). *Chapters 2 and 3 up*
1. Introspection

First off, I'd just like to say that I love to read fanfictions with the Meryl and Vash pairing. I don't know why, but I think they are just a great couple. I guess that even though they may be opposites in many ways, they seem compliment each other in many other ways. I know there are many of other MxV fanfictions, but I just wanted to contribute my own idea of what might have happened after the series ended. I guess it was my love for this couple that's driving me to write this story.  
  
This first chapter is mostly introspection on Meryl's part (hence the title Introspection), but picks up where the anime leaves off at the very end. There will be more character interaction in coming chapters.  
  
Feel free to review and tell me what you like or don't like.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Trigun  
  
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Chapter One: Introspection  
  
A small figure rustled beneath her covers in a silent room lit only by moonlight. Meryl cursed at herself for once again not being able to simply clear her mind and fall asleep. It had been five days now since he had left and during that time she had been able to get only a couple hours of sleep each night. Her thoughts were constantly focused on that one man and visions of him had even begun to invade her dreams.  
  
"Damn, can't I just get a break from this?" Meryl asked the empty room as she turned in her bed for what seemed like the hundredth time that night.  
  
While many of her thoughts centered around what she would say to him when he got back and what possibilities might lay in the future for them, there was a more cynical part of her mind that couldn't help but go over possible darker outcomes.  
  
Meryl knew that she was an inherent worrier as well as a realist. The combination of those two traits were bringing up thoughts that she would rather not deal with.  
  
What if she poured her heart out to him, told him how much she loved him and all he did was laugh? What if he told her he didn't return her feelings or that he didn't want to be tied down with a woman like her? But worst of all, what if she never got a chance to tell him anything? What if he never came back.  
  
The last thought made Meryl turn in her bed once again and let out a heavy sigh. "Oh Vash" she whispered. She knew somewhere deep inside that if she wasn't given an opportunity to tell Vash her feelings she might never fully recover. Meryl wasn't completely sure how she would be able to move on if he rejected her, but the thought of never knowing seemed worse to her. At least with the first scenario there would be some type of closure.  
  
Lately, everything around her reminded her of Vash. Whenever she left the small house that they shared she couldn't help but glance up at the cliff overlooking the tiny town. The place, she supposed, he had gone to think about his problems during the time both his mind and body seemed to be in shambles.  
  
Her view of him had changed so much over the last few years. Initially she saw him as exactly the opposite of the kind of man she would want to get involved with. He was reckless, perverted, immature, and irresponsible. But, as she had gotten to know him better she realized that much of his juvenile and comedic behavior was simply a front to cover all of the pain and despair he truly felt. His true nature, she reflected, was incredibly kind and forgiving. He also felt the need to protect or help anyone he saw in trouble, even if such a person had tried to kill him only moments before. He truly was a purveyor of love and peace. She hoped that he would soon come to be in a place, if he hadn't already, where he would no longer feel the need to mask his real emotions with false ones.  
  
However, she had to admit to herself that she was occasionally guilty of hiding her true emotions as well. For a long time she had denied her feelings for Vash. But, after the fifth moon incident she had finally been willing to let some of those feelings surface and while she had never really made them obvious to him she no longer denied them through her actions towards him.  
  
During the two years they had been separated, Meryl believed that she had changed quite a bit. She had definitely grown emotionally and was able to control her temper more easily. It seemed to her that she had also become slightly more compassionate and wondered if this might have been an effect of observing the blonde gunman for so long.  
  
Meryl's thoughts wandered back to the present and she began to think about the current state of her and Vash's relationship. The fact that he had told her all about his past in Carcasses seemed to indicate that he trusted her on some level. She also remembered the hug he had given her after the ordeal with the vengeful towns people. At first, she was quite surprised by Vash taking such an action, but after a few seconds she had decided to just enjoy the moment and the closeness of Vash's body to her own. But, eventually her enjoyment had led to embarrassment and then to full out annoyance when he began to roughly swing her around and rub his face against hers. Maybe hitting him on the head had been a bit hash of a retaliation for his actions, but at least she had gotten her point across. She couldn't help but smile slightly at her last thought.  
  
She doubted it, but maybe that hug could've meant something more? He seemed to be sincerely happy when he had embraced her and had also seemed quite hesitant to let go of her.  
  
'Now you're just overanalyzing Meryl" she told herself.  
  
Meryl shifted in her bed once again, but this time only slightly. She had never really seen herself as being religious, however lately she had noticed herself constantly saying little prays for Vash's safe return. 'Please God' she thought. 'Please bring him back safe'.  
  
The idea of Vash being killed almost seemed unbearable right now. She couldn't imagine the level of grief she would feel if it actually happened when simply the thought of it currently made her whole body tense up uncomfortably.  
  
It was then she realized that Milly was probably feeling somewhere near the level of grief that she could only imagine.  
  
'Milly, I'm so sorry' she thought turning her head towards the wall that separated her and the other girl's rooms.  
  
Milly had been handling the whole situation like a real trooper, but she knew that the girl must have been going through a huge amount of pain. Meryl understood that all she could do was be there for her friend as an emotional support. Although, it was difficult for her to know what to say a lot of times and sometimes she couldn't think of anything to say at all. In those situations, she would usually just end up changing the subject instead of actually having to be drawn into a discussion about her friend's feelings. Meryl felt guilty that about those occurrences, but knew that as time passed she would probably become more comfortable with talking with Milly about what had happened to Wolfwood.  
  
It was finally after her thought about Wolfwood and Milly that Meryl was able to begin drifting to sleep. Subconsciously she knew that with the coming day there would be a renewed hope of Vash returning home.  
  
*****************  
  
Meryl and Milly stood in the middle of town near the (now functional) well. Everyone in the town had come out to celebrate the fact that they had finally obtained a reliable source of water. The well now stood as a humble monument which would help to revitalize and sustain the small town for many years to come. There was such an overwhelming sense of relief and joy exuded from the towns people that Meryl and Milly couldn't help but get swept up in it.  
  
They had been standing around in the flooded area around the well for several minutes when Milly finally turned to Meryl and pointed towards the edge of town.  
  
"Meryl, what's that?" Milly asked shielding her eyes as if trying to get a better view with a slight tone of anticipation in her voice.  
  
Meryl turned towards the direction Milly had just pointed with her heart in her throat. 'Could it be? Could it be him?' she thought to herself.  
  
Meryl could just make out a figure in the distance walking on the main dirt road which lead into town. Before she realized what she was doing, Meryl began to jog towards the figure and then broke out in an all out run once she had passed through the flooded grounds. Milly was fairly close behind initially, but fell back a bit after Meryl picked up her pace. The figure definitely seemed to be a man, but he was lacking the red trench coat that Vash just about always wore. However, Meryl kept her pace and as she neared the figure she realized that it truly was Vash, just minus the long, red coat.  
  
Meryl suddenly had an urge to run up and embrace Vash. She no longer cared if she embarrassed herself or not, the simple relief she had now gained from seeing him alive and unharmed made her momentarily throw any previous inhabitations surrounding the gunmen. As she neared she saw a big smile on his face, a genuine one. This made Meryl pick up her running speed even more, so that now she was practically sprinting.  
  
However, as she came closer, Meryl became aware that he was carrying something over his right shoulder. She suddenly realized that it was not a something, but a someone. This someone had a build similar to Vash, and seemed to have blonde hair as well. At this point, Meryl had slowed down her pace considerably and was no longer looking at Vash, but instead at the body slung over his shoulder. Her initial desire to embrace Vash with all her might was now being overshadowed by a feeling of contained terror.  
  
'He wouldn't...he couldn't...' she thought to herself as she stared at the unconscious stranger.  
  
Milly had finally caught up with Meryl, and now both girls were standing only a short distance from Vash. Milly was staring at the man hanging over Vash's right shoulder as well. Both Milly and Meryl's expressions had shifted from ones of absolute ecstaticism to ones of subtle disbelief and horror.  
  
Vash stood still and didn't move towards or away from the pair of girls. His expression had changed as well and now seemed to be one slight anxiety and concern.  
  
Finally, after several seconds, Milly spoke up in an unsteady voice tinged with disbelief. "You brought back Knives!?" 


	2. Confrontation

My finals are finally over, so now I can actually resume working on this story.  I've been VERY stressed out lately, so I think torturing Meryl has become a form of stress relief for me (poor Meryl).  Thank you to everyone who reviewed. I definitely appreciate feedback and hearing that people enjoy reading my story is quite motivating.  I appreciate constructive criticism as well, since I don't have much experience with writing fiction and am always looking for ways to improve.

I just about jumped out of my seat when I saw the first reviewer was Jaina.  I love the story she wrote with Arafel titled _A Whisper in Darkness_.  If you haven't read it and you like the Vash x Meryl pairing definitely check it out (it is an R rated fic however, so it's only for 17 and up :P).  

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The hallway floor was less inviting than Meryl had anticipated.  The hard flooring was not only cold, but the rigid surface had begun to make the undersides of her legs and bottom ache.  As she sat leaning against the wall outside of Vash's room, she suddenly became quite tempted to retrieve the cotton quilt covering her bed. However, she pushed this urge aside when she realized how awkward it might be if Vash found her camped out, blanket and all, beside the door to the room he and Knives were now sharing.  

She had already created enough of a rift between them today.  She didn't need to intensify the current situation by giving him the impression that she might be attempting to invade his privacy as well (although she had considered putting her ear up to the door more than a few times that night).  Since her own room was almost directly across the hall from Vash's, Meryl could easily jump up and attempt to make it look like it was no more than a coincidence they had both entered the hall at the same time.  At least, that was what she was planning to do once he finally exited the room.   

All she really wanted was a chance to apologize for the things she had said earlier, but she was afraid to disturb him at the present moment.  He had been in that room, alone with Knives, for over four hours now.  It would be so easy just to go up and knock on the door; she knew Vash wouldn't turn her away.  However, the guilt over what she had said to him earlier that day somehow blocked her from doing so.  Or, maybe forcing herself to sit outside the door and wait was some form of self-created punishment brought about to help relieve some of the guilt she felt.

As the unpleasant memories of the day's earlier events rose to the forefront of her consciousness, Meryl shifted uneasily against the wall. 

Vash had finally returned to the town after close to a week of absence.  She had been so happy to see him, to know that he was alive and to know that she could now tell him how she felt.  Once she clearly saw his figure at the edge of town, something in the back of her mind had quickly come to the realization that it was actually possible for them to actually start a relationship.  That she really might have a chance with him. 

However, Vash had not come back alone.  Instead he had towed his sadistic and currently unconscious brother back with him.  Meryl wondered if he realized the amount of danger he was putting herself, Milly, and all of the townspeople in by bringing him back.  Or maybe he just didn't care… maybe his need to save Knives now took priority over her and everyone else's safety.  

Knives had killed so many humans it was hard for her to fathom the sheer number of dead.  It also seemed, according to Vash's descriptions of past confrontations with his brother, that he was anything but remorseful about his actions.  

Vash had once told her that Knives had taken up the last name "Millions" for himself.  She now wondered if that might have been in reference to the number of humans he had murdered.

How could he expect either her or Milly to welcome such a person into their home?  Especially Milly, she had lost her first love because of the actions of those under the command of Knives.  Were they both just supposed to sit back and risk their lives with the faint hope that after 130 years of hatred for mankind he would suddenly come around and begin tolerating human beings?

All of these thoughts had spun through Meryl's head as she, Milly, and Vash (with Knives over his shoulder) had made their way back from the edge of town to the small home they were sharing.  Once they entered the house, Vash had finally been able to free himself of the rather weighty burden he had been carrying across the desert for the last several hours.  He had taken Knives into his own room and carefully set him down in his bed, closing the door when he left the room.  Following this, Vash took a seat at the small kitchen table and let his body slump slightly, indicating that although his eyes flickered with a certain level of vitality, he was physically exhausted.

Meryl had elected not to take a seat with Vash at the table, but instead to stand and peer down at him slightly.  Their difference in height was so great that even with Vash sitting, Meryl was only a few inches taller than him.  It occurred to her, now, that he had simply wanted to rest, but she hadn't allowed him such a luxury.  Instead she had gone on a tirade about how selfish he was for bringing Knives back with him and for putting them all in danger.  This recollection made a new wave of guilt wash over her. 

He had sat at that table and listened to everything she said without interruption.  A solemn expression had begun to appear on his face as the barrage of her impulsively chosen words hit him.

Finally, after an indeterminate amount of time passed, Milly had entered the room causing an end to Meryl's outburst.  Milly had looked over both of them with wide eyes until her gaze settled on Vash.  Her expression suddenly changed to one of deep concern as she looked down at the floor beneath Vash's chair.

"Mr. Vash!  You're bleeding!" she said as she ran over to where he was sitting.

Meryl hadn't been able to see it from the position where she stood, but when she took a few steps back she realized that a fair sized puddle of blood had pooled on the floor below his right hand.  Meryl's mouth involuntarily begun to hang agape once she realized that he had sat there and listened to her entire lecture while wounded.  

"Huh, I guess I am," was all that Vash said in response as he lifted his right hand and examined the blood trickling down his fingers.

By this point, Milly had moved around to the back of Vash's chair and was currently examining his right shoulder.

"Mr. Vash, it looks like you got shot through the shoulder," she said putting slight pressure on the wound and causing Vash to wince.  

"But, I think the bullet went through.  We had better sterilize the wound though, it might get infected otherwise."

Milly had then led Vash into her own bedroom where she had apparently treated his wound.  However, Meryl could only speculate on just what had taken place after Vash left the kitchen table.  She, herself, had become frozen in place once she saw the puddle of blood beneath Vash's chair.

The realization of her mistake then hit her full force.  She had chastised him for being selfish when she was truly the one being insensitive and egotistical.  What should she have expected him to do?  Leave his brother in the desert to die?  Shot him to death?  Or, maybe he could have just never returned to the town.  He could have just traveled to another town or city without ever saying goodbye to her or Milly.  

She wondered, with a bit of dismay, if maybe all he had really intended to do by returning was say his goodbyes to her and Milly.

The mental turmoil Meryl was now experiencing began to reflect itself in a physical form.  Her stomach tensed uncomfortably and her eyes stung as liquid gathered in their corners.

She knew that Vash was endlessly forgiving and was optimistic almost to a fault.  When she considered everything that could have happened she realized that this was about the best possible outcome she or Vash might have hoped for.

It now seemed that her old trait of hiding her feelings for Vash with anger and denial had resurfaced, but what a time it had chosen to do so.  It wasn't really outrage at his decision to bring back Knives or terror that he might hurt her or others she had been conveying to him with her words.  The truth was that her fear of rejection had gotten the better of her and instead of finally working up the nerve to tell him how she felt she had taken a completely different course of action.  She had used her angry words and accusations as a shoddily constructed veil to conceal her true feelings. 

She really thought she had gotten past this vice, but when it came right down to it she hadn't made any progress at all.  

However, this time something inside her told her she could make it right, or she could at least try to.  All she really needed to do was apologize and to tell him how she truly felt.  Yes, she had thought trying to work her courage up, what she really needed to do right now was to march up to Vash and tell him that she didn't mean what she had said earlier.  That, in actuality, she wanted him to stay and tend to Knives here, in the home they were sharing.  

It might be a bit of a humbling experience for her; she hadn't really had to make a sincere apology to anyone since she had run over a stranger's foot while learning how to drive almost a decade ago.  But, it would all be worth it if he stayed.

So, with an unprecedented level of determination, Meryl made her way into the hallway only to find Milly's room unoccupied and the door to Vash's room closed.  She had gone out on the house's small front porch, hoping that he might be there, possibly looking up at the stars with one of his more solemn expressions.

Instead, she found Milly sitting in the weathered rocking chair which had occupied the front porch since even before they arrived in this town.  It was Milly who had her eyes fixed upon the stars as they made their nightly journey across the sky.  She had a wistful smile on her face and her hands were clasped together in her lap.

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Author's Notes:

I'm not completely sure about the layout of the house, but I decided to each give them each their own room.  Also, I noticed that Vash carried Knives on the same shoulder that had been shot through earlier in the final episode.  So, I guess that, in this story, Vash started bleeding from his shoulder because he opened the wound up carrying back Knives.


	3. Resolution

Not much to say here since I'm posting this chapter with chapter two. Let the angst continue!  
  
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Meryl closed the front door behind her and it fit into its frame with a small click. It was this noise that broke Milly's train of thought and brought Meryl into her attention.  
  
"Oh, hi Meryl," she said with a soft smile.  
  
"Do you know where Vash is?" Meryl immediately replied.  
  
Her level of determination was still strong and she felt the need to find Vash and apologize as soon as possible, even if it meant being a bit curt to Milly.  
  
"Yeah, he's with his brother now," Milly said as she shifted herself in the chair so she was closer to facing Meryl.  
  
"Why are you looking for him Meryl? Are you going to talk to him?"   
  
Meryl realized this was Milly's gentle way of asking if she was going to apologize for what she had said earlier.  
  
Meryl nodded and shifted her gaze to the porch's floorboards.  
  
"Yeah, that's what I would like to do," she replied, somehow unable to pull her eyes from the crack between two of the boards. She noticed that her voice came out softer than she meant it to and it was a bit unsteady now as well.   
  
Milly shifted again in the chair, this time turning so her body was almost completely facing Meryl.  
  
"I'm glad," Milly said, finally causing Meryl to break her gaze from the ground and instead direct it toward Milly's face.   
  
"I think that Mr. Vash would appreciate that too," she added with an encouraging smile. With that, Milly stood up, went back into the house and then into her room, shutting the door behind her.  
  
Meryl had followed soon after, somewhat unsure about just how she should approach Vash. After quite a bit of internal debating she decided that, at this juncture, it would be best to wait until he came out of his room.   
  
She quickly changed into her nightshirt, leaving on the blue leggings she had worn all day underneath. Meryl knew that changing her clothing was a pointless endeavor since she wouldn't be going to sleep anytime soon, but did so anyway. After changing her clothes, she had stood and leaned against the wall for quite some time. Next, she had paced back and forth through the hallway, trying to plan out just what she would say once he did come out. Finally, she had taken her current position on the floor, alternating from sitting with her legs straight out to crossing them and resting her elbows on her knees and her head in her hands.  
  
She had recently noticed that her eyelids seemed to be growing heavy and that her head and shoulders were slumping. These were obvious signs that her body was succumbing to its natural need for sleep, however she fought these symptoms by making her self sit-up straight and keep her eyes wide open.  
  
Even though crawling into her very warm and soft bed seemed incredibly appealing right now, her drive to make things right with Vash held priority over all her other urges.  
  
Despite her best efforts, Meryl had eventually laid down on the hard floor, using her left arm as a makeshift pillow, and had ultimately given into the wish for rest by her fatigued body.  
  
It was in this position, sprawled out upon the floor, that Vash had found her as he opened the door to his room. Meryl was immediately woken up by the squeaking of the hinges on his door and was quickly reminded of her earlier plan to make it look as though she had simply chosen to exit her room at the same time as him.  
  
If her mind had not been quite so incoherent from its sudden rouse she might have realized what a futile attempt it was at this point in time. However, her thought process was a bit clouded by her recent nap on the floor and so she had, rather comedically, jumped up and attempted to throw herself into the doorway of her own room.  
  
But, her cognitive abilities were not the only thing affected by the nap. It quickly became apparent that her coordination had been hindered by the sleep as well and, as she scrambled to get and into the doorway of her room, she lost her footing and fell to the floor.   
  
Or, at least she thought she had, until she opened the eyes she had squinted shut only moments before as her decent towards the floor had begun.   
  
Meryl looked to the right and saw that Vash had grabbed her by the upper arm and was holding her up with what looked to be little effort. The tops of her toes touched the ground and her legs were bent, however they were currently giving her no support. She was in such a position that if Vash had not intervened, her knees would most likely have painfully collided with the hard floor.  
  
She looked at his face and into his aqua eyes expecting him to snicker a bit at her clumsiness or make some remark about how she needed to be more careful when attempting to do such complex things as stand up or walk. But, he did neither. He simply pulled her up a bit so that she could get her legs underneath her and stand on her own. His face kept a serious and somewhat intense expression throughout the whole episode.  
  
Once on her own two feet, Meryl turned to face him. She took a deep breath in and prepared to apologize, but before she had gotten even a word out Vash spoke up.  
  
"We need to talk," he said, the same serious and intense expression on his face as he spoke.  
  
He then shut the door to his room behind him and began to walk towards the kitchen.  
  
Meryl was a bit dumbfounded. She hadn't expected him to get the first word in and she certainly hadn't expected him to want to talk to her. As she made her way to the kitchen, Meryl's stomach began to tense uncomfortably for the second time that day, but this time it was spurred on more by a feeling of dread than guilt.  
  
Once she entered the kitchen, she took a seat next to Vash at the small table. His eyes were intense as he began to speak.  
  
"About what you said earlier," he began.   
  
Before he had a chance finish his sentence, Meryl interrupted him.  
  
"Vash I-," Meryl interjected, but Vash was stubborn in his effort to finish.  
  
"Just, just listen to me okay," he said firmly, not breaking eye contact with Meryl.  
  
"You were right. Everything you said was right," Vash continued.  
  
Meryl tried to interject once again, but only got out a couple syllables before Vash lifted his right hand and closed his eyes. This gesture sent a strong message to Meryl that she needed to let him speak without interruption as he had done earlier that day for her.  
  
"It's too dangerous for me and Knives to stay here. We would be putting you, Milly, and everyone in this town in jeopardy by being here. I have no idea when he will wake up or how he will react when he does," Vash said.  
  
At this point, Meryl realized that the tensing in her stomach had now given way to a sharp twisting feeling which was starting to be echoed by a similar sensation in her head. It had become obvious that her earlier feeling of anxiety was not unfounded and she was intensely dreading what she knew Vash would say next.  
  
"I think it would be best for everyone if I leave tomorrow with Knives," he stated. The tone of his voice was even and seemed to give off the impression that his decision was not debatable.  
  
Meryl felt a lump in her throat form and her eyes began to tear up a bit.  
  
"I want to thank you and Milly for everything you've done for me. Without you two I don't know if I would have made it," Vash said, his lips forming a small smile.  
  
Vash leaned forward slightly as Meryl attempted to keep her facial expression under control. Sudden grief had begun to course through her and she was fighting to keep the emotion from overtaking her.  
  
"Thank you, Meryl."   
  
The last word Vash spoke broke any resolve Meryl had to keep her emotions under control. Tears began running down her face and a quiet sob was released from her throat.   
  
He had said her name. She had known him for over two years and this was the first time he had ever said it. This simple act seemed to be more than enough to indicate that his parting was now certain.  
  
Vash rose from his seat and a look of sadness that Meryl had seen all too many times before was reflected in his eyes. He began to walk towards the hallway and the sound of his footsteps echoed in her ears.  
  
However, it was at this moment that a transition took place in Meryl's brain and the grief that had just overtaken her was rapidly intersected by her former resolve. He might leave, she might never see him again, but first she needed to apologize. It was something she felt she had to do, even if it was just a way to clear her conscience.  
  
"Vash," she said softly as he drew near to the kitchen's door.  
  
He continued on, not even pausing for a moment after his name was said. She wasn't sure if he had simply not heard her or if he was deliberately ignoring her.  
  
"Vash," she repeated, but this time much louder and with a greater air of determination in her voice.  
  
Her second attempt finally got his attention and he turned back towards where Meryl was still sitting. Their eyes met and Meryl started to speak.  
  
"Vash, you said what you needed to say, now please let me speak my piece."  
  
For a moment he looked as though he wouldn't oblige her. She thought that he would simply shake his head and then leave wordlessly. However, he didn't do that.   
  
He deliberated for a few seconds, seeming to decide whether he should wait in his current position for Meryl to continue speaking or if he should go back to his former seat at the table. Eventually he returned to the chair next to Meryl.   
  
She took a deep breath in, hoping that the action would calm her nerves a bit, make her voice shake a little less, and her tone a little more even.  
  
"I didn't mean anything that I said earlier, not a word of it," she began.  
  
This time around, it was Vash that was attempting to interrupt her as she was about to begin her next sentence. However, she imitated his earlier gesture and raised her right hand as a signal for him to stop, which he reluctantly did.  
  
"The things that I said about you and why you brought your brother back here were all wrong. I think that maybe, now, I finally understand the motives behind why you returned here with him."  
  
The pitch and evenness of Meryl's voice was still unsteady, but as she continued to speak the words seemed easier for her to form and her body felt as though it was relaxing a bit.  
  
She really wasn't sure how she should continue now that she finally had an opportunity to apologize, but she kept talking anyway not really knowing exactly what she would say next.   
  
Meryl spoke for some time, telling him that earlier in the day she had only been able to see the situation from her own perspective and had ignored everyone else's. That, once she had taken the time out to examine the situation from his point of view, she finally came to understand that he had taken the course of action which fit best with his own ideals and beliefs; the one that he believed would be the best for everyone involved.  
  
She now saw that it was selfish and unrealistic to expect him to kill or abandon his brother because of Knives' past deeds, no matter how horrible they were. This would have gone against Vash's very nature and the beliefs which were held so strongly by him that they had, at one point, almost destroyed him.  
  
It might be true that bringing him back to the town put everyone there in danger, however, as long as the hatred inside of Knives persisted, the safety of all of Gunsmoke's inhabitants would be threatened. With Vash in this town, at least those in the area would have some level of protection.  
  
Meryl said all of this, keeping eye contact with Vash the entire time. During certain times she had rambled a bit and at others she had repeated herself, but there was a strong tone of sincerity behind her words and she hoped that Vash had picked up on it.  
  
Finally, she had reached the part all her previous words had been building up to, the part where she asked him to stay and apologized.  
  
"Vash, I would like to think of myself as your friend and a good friend at that. So, as your friend, I am asking you to stay here and let me help you with Knives. Once he wakes up, you probably will not be able to leave him alone much, if at all. Because of this, you won't be able to earn any kind of income to support yourself and Knives... You've suffered a lot, Vash. Maybe if you settle down in this town for awhile you'll be able to attain some of the peace you've been seeking."  
  
Vash's expression hadn't changed since she began speaking and she was beginning to worry that maybe her words were not reaching him or that he was simply dismissing them. However, she forged onward with her argument for him to stay.  
  
"To put it simply, I'm asking you to stay here, in this house and let me take care of the financial end of things while you take care of Knives."  
  
Meryl knew she was being a bit ambiguous, but it seemed easier to express herself that way then to go into all of the details surrounding her reasons for wanting him to stay.  
  
"One more thing, I just want to say that I'm sorry about everything I said earlier today. The awful things I said, I was just using them as a cover for my…"  
  
Meryl let her sentence trail off and realized that right now she was not prepared to tell Vash how she felt. It seemed that first she would have to wait and see if he hung around at all. So, a silence hung between them for a short time after Meryl broke off her last sentence. The quiet felt incredibly heavy to Meryl and she wondered if she had communicated a little too much about her feelings for him in her last statement.  
  
Vash had taken on a bit of a pensive expression after Meryl's last words. His eyes had broken contact with her own and were now looking across the table seemingly not focused on any particular object.  
  
Meryl was finally given a reprieve from the crushing silence that had continued to build around her when Vash finally spoke up.  
  
"Okay, we'll stay," Vash said.   
  
"But I have no idea for how long," he added, possibly as an attempt to make sure Meryl's expectations didn't rise too high.  
  
It seemed that an enormous amount of weight was lifted from Meryl's shoulders then and she couldn't help but let a smile creep across her face.  
  
"I don't want to be a burden to you, so I'll try to help you out as much as I can," Vash said as he began to stand up.  
  
Meryl just nodded her head a couple of times. She was so relieved that it seemed she had momentarily lost her ability to speak.  
  
Just as Meryl was about to stand up herself, Milly entered the kitchen.  
  
"What are you two doing up so early?" Milly asked, her words a bit unclear as she yawned.  
  
It was then that Meryl realized the sun had risen at some point while she had been attempting to persuade Vash to stay. The night had been so emotionally draining for her that she had lost all sense of time.  
  
"Just talking," Vash said with a slight smile as he began to exit the kitchen.  
  
"I'm sure Meryl will be able to fill you in," he added from the hallway.  
  
Milly turned her gaze to Meryl then, a questioning look on her face. Meryl began to speak, but her words were interrupted when an involuntary yawn escaped.   
  
"Uh, Milly. Maybe we could talk later? I'm really tired right now," Meryl said as she stood up and began to walk towards her room.  
  
"Sure," Milly said simply and smiled a bit.  
  
Meryl was walking towards the kitchen door when Vash suddenly reentered the room.  
  
"Uh, Milly," he said looking towards the taller girl.   
  
"I was wondering if I could borrow your bed."  
  
His last statement made Meryl's face contort into one of confusion and slight disgust. Just what in the hell did he want with Milly's bed?   
  
Milly's expression also changed to one of confusion, however hers lacked the look of minor repulsion exhibited by Meryl.  
  
Vash seemed to quickly pick up on their puzzlement with his request.  
  
"My bed is kind of occupied and I would like to get some sleep, so I was hoping you wouldn't mind…"  
  
His explanation caused Milly's expression of confusion to break into one of understanding and sympathy.  
  
"Oh sure Mr. Vash," Milly said as she made her way over to the kitchen sink.  
  
Vash grinned a bit at her response.   
  
"Thanks," he replied and then made his way back into the hallway with Meryl following.  
  
When he came to the entrance of Milly's room he turned back towards Meryl, who was at the door to her own room.   
  
"Uh, goodnight, I mean good morning," he said to Meryl with a sheepish grin.  
  
"Sleep well," she replied.  
  
They both made their way into their respective (or in Vash's case non-respective) rooms then and closed the doors behind them. Having stayed up practically the entire night, except for her nap on the hallway floor, Meryl's body was exhausted and she quickly fell into a deep sleep. Later, when she spoke with Milly, she learned that she had slept for over twelve hours straight.  
  
=================================================  
  
Author's Notes:  
  
I had a really difficult time writing the section where Meryl asks Vash to stay and I'm not so sure how it turned the way I wanted it to.   
  
Also, I know that in the dubbed version Vash says Meryl's name that one time in the car, but I guess I'm going off of the subbed version for the most part, where he never says her name. 


End file.
